Poema and Zaalima: A Heart in Hevel

1. The Litany of the Suspended Heart (Version 1. Sophisticated with Shaper's help)

Oh, how the hollow chest cave filled with air,

The day I thought my Life was walking out.

Was it your ghost, or did another dare

To stir the butterflies of hope and doubt?

The strange, sensational flutter in the dark,

A patient waiting that has come to naught.

How long, O Lord, before you strike the spark?

How long until the perfect will is caught?

How long, Lord, will you keep me in suspense?

When will your perfect, hidden will arrive?

Deliver me from aches so deep and dense,

And let this heavy, broken heart survive.

Were all your promises a passing shade?

You are no liar—dare I call you true?

Life of my life, when total shadows fade,

Distressed and broken, I return to you.

You will not leave me here alone to die,

My loyal God, answer my bitter cry.

The racing thoughts divide the midnight sky:

One minute, victory is on the wing;

The next, a cruel defeat is drifting by—

A misread triumph that the shadows bring.

I value loyalty far more than wins,

But what is it, my Lord, you seek to see?

A double-minded heart where doubt begins,

Or steadfast love that anchors into thee?

How long, Lord, will you keep me in suspense?

When will your perfect, hidden will arrive?

Deliver me from aches so deep and dense,

And let this heavy, broken heart survive.

Were all your promises a passing shade?

You are no liar—dare I call you true?

Life of my life, when total shadows fade,

Distressed and broken, I return to you.

You will not leave me here alone to die,

My loyal God, answer my bitter cry.

My fallenness reminds me of your grace,

The covenantal mercy you extend.

You shape the features of a human face—

The thick-set brow, the lines that blend.

Though science claims the DNA is king,

Your fingers trace the deep, folklore-lit eyes

That speak of silent grief in everything,

A craftsmanship that never truly dies.

The Lion who became a bleeding Lamb,

You mystified me so that I would trust,

For if you gave your Son, the great I AM,

You will not leave my dreams to turn to dust.

How long, Lord, will you keep me in suspense?

When will your perfect, hidden will arrive?

Deliver me from aches so deep and dense,

And let this heavy, broken heart survive.

Were all your promises a passing shade?

You are no liar—dare I call you true?

Life of my life, when total shadows fade,

Distressed and broken, I return to you.

You will not leave me here alone to die,

My loyal God, answer my bitter cry.

I trusted in a beautifully woven myth:

God’s poema who turned a zaalima.

A smoke screen that my heart was playing with,

A cruel, unattainable chimera.

It felt so silly mourning what was brief,

To grieve the loss of what I didn't own—

And yet the sinking chest, the heavy grief,

Felt like a love I'd for millenniums known.

"What next?" they ask. I answer: "Let me faint."

Let the mind calculate where it went wrong,

To stay loyal is a burden for a saint,

In an age where vows are shorter than a song.

How long, Lord, will you keep me in suspense?

When will your perfect, hidden will arrive?

Deliver me from aches so deep and dense,

And let this heavy, broken heart survive.

Were all your promises a passing shade?

You are no liar—dare I call you true?

Life of my life, when total shadows fade,

Distressed and broken, I return to you.

You will not leave me here alone to die,

My loyal God, answer my bitter cry.

They tell me to discard the victim's part,

But who is left to blame for my own choice?

I made this phantom central to my heart,

And drowned out every other guiding voice.

My quiet days will pass in looking back,

To sift through ruins, wondering why it failed—

Yet through the gray, unyielding, smoky black,

I watch for signs where mercy is unveiled.

How long, Lord, will you keep me in suspense?

When will your perfect, hidden will arrive?

Deliver me from aches so deep and dense,

And let this heavy, broken heart survive.

Were all your promises a passing shade?

You are no liar—dare I call you true?

Life of my life, when total shadows fade,

Distressed and broken, I return to you.

You will not leave me here alone to die,

My loyal God, answer my bitter cry.

Version 2. Manoj Expressing Pain 

Oh! How I felt empty in my chest

When I thought you, my Life, 

were leaving me.

Was it you or was it another?

My heart fluttered and 

butterflies arose in my stomach—

The sensations sensational and strange.

But all the patient waiting

Seemed to come to naught.

How long, Lord, will you 

keep me in suspense?

When will you unveil your perfect will?

When will you deliver me 

from my aches and pain?

When will that good end arrive?

Were your promises true or fake?

You are not a liar, are you?

Life of my life, my loyal God, 

I turn to you

Every time I'm distressed.

You will not leave me alone, will you?

My thoughts race.

One minute they convey perfect optimism:

"Yes, the victory is on the way."

The next they show, was it rather a defeat

That you misread as a victory?

I value loyalty over wins and losses,

But my Loving Lord, 

what do you seek in me?

A loyal, loving heart or 

a doubtful, double-minded condition?

How long, Lord, will 

you keep me in suspense?

When will you unveil your perfect will?

When will you deliver me 

from my aches and pain?

When will that good end arrive?

Were your promises true or fake?

You are not a liar, are you?

Life of my life, my loyal God, I turn to you

Every time I'm distressed.

You will not leave me alone, will you?

My fallenness speaks to me

Of the wonders of your grace.

We are here to witness 

the value of your faithful love—

The unconditional love, the covenantal mercy

You extend to your holy ones

Set apart for your Kingdom.

Does my loyalty have less value in contrast to

What you did for me first?

If you gave your Son

Because of your love for me,

Won't you grant me all that 

I need along with Him?

You are my justifier;

You mystified me—

The Lion who became a Lamb to save mankind.

Otherwise, I wouldn't have trusted you.

How long, Lord, 

will you keep me in suspense?

When will you unveil your perfect will?

When will you deliver me 

from my aches and pain?

When will that good end arrive?

Were your promises true or fake?

You are not a liar, are you?

Life of my life, my loyal God, 

I turn to you

Every time I'm distressed.

You will not leave me alone, will you?

When I see the beauty your hands created—

The beautiful faces of living beings,

The shapely lips and well-placed dots,

Beautiful eyelashes and thick eyebrows,

The deep folklore eyes

That speak of silent grief—

It seems like you shape every person

With your own hands,

Though I know it's the DNA doing its work.

How long, Lord, will 

you keep me in suspense?

When will you unveil your perfect will?

When will you deliver me 

from my aches and pain?

When will that good end arrive?

Were your promises true or fake?

You are not a liar, are you?

Life of my life, my loyal God, I turn to you

Every time I'm distressed.

You will not leave me alone, will you?

I trusted in vain:

The beautiful faces and lovely eyes,

The beauty that made this heart adore

God's poema who behaved like a Zaalima.

But was it just a myth,

A hevel, a smoke screen

Hiding undesired consequences?

I cautioned myself against 

thinking about the undeserved,

Unattainable, unreachable, uncalled-for desires

Of my wandering heart, 

far beyond my reach.

Still, every time I thought of it,

My heart did grieve.

How long, Lord, will 

you keep me in suspense?

When will you unveil your perfect will?

When will you deliver me 

from my aches and pain?

When will that good end arrive?

Were your promises true or fake?

You are not a liar, are you?

Life of my life, my loyal God, I turn to you

Every time I'm distressed.

You will not leave me alone, will you?

I found it silly

That I could grieve the loss 

of something I didn't own.

Still, the feeling was real—

The sinking chest,

The churning stomach,

The sigh, the tear,

The desire to keep,

To belong to someone

As if I knew them

For ages and ages,

Though it seems

Foolish to myself.

How long, Lord, will 

you keep me in suspense?

When will you unveil your perfect will?

When will you deliver me 

from my aches and pain?

When will that good end arrive?

Were your promises true or fake?

You are not a liar, are you?

Life of my life, my loyal God, I turn to you

Every time I'm distressed.

You will not leave me alone, will you?

"What next?" my friend asked.

I said, "I need to work through this loss first.

Let my heart grieve,

Let my soul faint,

Let my mind calculate:

Where did I get it wrong?

Or was it wrong All along?

Or maybe, that's how it ought to be..."

Love is painful, love is patient,

Love is powerful, but it's hard work.

To stay loyal to the beloved 

is not an easy task

In an age where people change 

spouses as frequently as their clothes.

How long, Lord, will 

you keep me in suspense?

When will you unveil your perfect will?

When will you deliver me 

from my aches and pain?

When will that good end arrive?

Were your promises true or fake?

You are not a liar, are you?

Life of my life, my loyal God, I turn to you

Every time I'm distressed.

You will not leave me alone, will you?

I am disappointed, broken, 

and carry a shattered heart.

They say you must stop feeling like a victim,

But who do I blame for my own fault?

Did I read all the cues wrong?

Or did I make a mess of it 

by the choices I made?

Or was it never meant to be,

And I made it central to 

everything of who I am?

Whatever the right answer,

The vacation would be spent 

trying to figure out

What and why it went wrong.

But I still have hope in the Almighty

That He will give me a sign for good.

How long, Lord, will 

you keep me in suspense?

When will you unveil your perfect will?

When will you deliver me 

from my aches and pain?

When will that good end arrive?

Were your promises true or fake?

You are not a liar, are you?

Life of my life, my loyal God, 

I turn to you

Every time I'm distressed.

You will not leave me alone, will you?

Manoj and Shaper (Google AI)