Why do I believe what I believe?

Many of my friends ask me why do I believe what I believe? That is, why did I become a Christ-follower? It is a good question, and I thank you for asking it. It is not about whether a belief (Hindu or Christian) is true or false. Instead, it is about whether a faith is logical or not. Further, it is about my personal spiritual journey that started with Shri Krishna and Bhagavad Gita in Chinmaya Vidyalaya and culminated in the Holy Bible and Jesus Christ. 

The time when I thought carefully and studied deeply about what I believed came in 2002 when I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior. I was born and raised in a pure-veg, upper-caste, Marwari Hindu family settled in Kerala. Before my conversion to Christ, I thought that Advaita was the answer to my spiritual quest. My religious interest drove me to memorize the Gita. By the 7th standard, I knew almost all of it by heart (Sanskrit transliteration to Malayalam and Hindi). I wanted to attain moksha or union with God, as described in the Gita.

Many Advaitists say, “There is nothing called sin, and the world is amoral.” However, the same people would still believe that some people are born in lower castes because of their past bad karma or sin. If God is good and there is a perspective of goodness (Gita 16), then, by implication, evil must exist. Good and evil necessitate duality, making Advaita (non-duality) impossible. God is holy and utterly devoid of corruption. Even so, we know that people are sinful (have sinned at least once) and mortal. For instance, Gita 18 considers only those who possess the attitude and character traits of Brahmanas as real Brahmanas.

However, no human can have the following traits to perfection: tolerance, peace, austerity, wisdom, knowledge, religiosity, and self-control (Gita 18:42). Gita 16 adds to the list courage, charity, calmness, cleanliness, modesty, simplicity, non-violence, honesty, gentleness, forgiveness, and generosity. Thus, the Gita makes it impossible for anyone to remain perfect from birth. Therefore, God and creation (sinful people) cannot be the same. If they are the same, then God would become imperfect and sinful. God, by definition, must be an immortal and incorruptible being.

Furthermore, the Big Bang theory states that the universe has an origin and, therefore, a first cause. Advaita equates the creator with creation —that is, the universe with God. If the universe has an origin and an end, then, according to Advaita, God would become nothingness at the beginning and end of the universe. The claim that God is nothing means there is no God. But we know that God exists as the first cause of everything. He is the reason — or the purposeful person — responsible for nothing becoming something, or anything and everything.

If there is no God, morality and justice would have no meaning. God is the absolute authority that defines good and evil. If there is no such authority, there will be no morality possible. How can we say something is unjust if we do not define justice and injustice? If we consider God as an amoral Advaita kind of nothingness, he does not need to interfere with his creation. Similarly, some people think of God as a dualistic God who created the world and forgot about it. Such a God will neither answer people's prayers nor enter into a relationship with humans, nor end their sufferings.

Since Advaita was scientifically and morally not the proper philosophical framework, I considered Dwaita a better one. Even so, the dualistic Bhakti marga of the Gita also does not promise moksha (salvation) unless a person is born into the Brahmin caste and attains perfection through meditation. Arjuna asks Krishna, "What if I die before attaining perfection? Krishna answers that such a person could continue their pursuit in the next birth. Besides, they might get a birth in a family of Yogis, which is otherwise difficult to obtain." (Gita 6:37-42).

Thus, Gita affirms that even if one pursues the combined yogic paths diligently, they are not guaranteed moksha (Gita 6:37-45). In the crucial passage, Arjuna is perplexed about what happens to those who fail to attain moksha in their lifetime. Krishna replies that such people are reborn into families of pure, prosperous people or into families of yogis (Brahmins). They pursue moksha in their new lives, purify themselves of their sins, and attain perfection. So, Gita gives no assurance of salvation in one’s lifetime. A person’s pursuit of moksha depends on the caste one is born into, and they must get rid of their sin by themselves.

Consequently, the sole spiritual goal of the people born into lower castes is to achieve a better rebirth by pursuing their Dharma devotedly to climb up the ladder of caste hierarchy and ultimately be born into a Brahmin family. Thus, the lack of assurance about salvation in this birth and a clearly defined purpose for people and the cosmos weakened my faith in the Gita. Moreover, the perfection or moksha that the Bhakti marga promises is the same as the other margas: we dissolve into the ocean of Brahman like a drop in an ocean and lose our identity permanently.

Therefore, it all boils down to Advaita since the impersonal and personal Brahman are the same being. As I already discarded Advaita as a helpful framework, the final solution did not help. At this stage, one of my college seniors invited me to a Christian retreat. They introduced me to a strange God who had come to save sinners, unlike the Hindu avatars, including Krishna, who came to destroy sinners. It surprised me that although his people betrayed Jesus, forsook, and persecuted him, he could still forgive them. This information moved my heart, and I started reading the Bible.

As I read the Bible, I realized that sin cannot be conquered by obliterating sinners, something our Hindu avatars excelled in doing. We can defeat evil only by destroying sinful tendencies within people’s hearts. Thus, I understood that Jesus Christ could solve the problem of evil more efficiently than the Hindu avatars, whose only solution was obliterating sinners. I also realized that many of my sufferings were not a result of my sin or my parents’ sin. I found this assuring because it helped me live guilt-free. After all, I did not have to associate all of my difficulties with my past life or my parents’ sins.

Finally, since God needs to be constantly separate from creation yet permeate it, this is possible only if God is Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. As the Father, he is transcendental. As the Son, God can interact with physicality –his creation– and know its pains. As the Holy Spirit, he becomes intimately available to humans in a relationship. The gracious offer of union with God, eternal life, and guaranteed resurrection for those faithful to Jesus was compelling. So, I decided to follow Jesus, and as my relationship with him grew, my bad habits disappeared, and I regained my confidence. I found success in my studies and extracurricular activities.