The Candle Light: Lording Over Nothing

Grief isn't clean. It’s a messy, visceral wrestling match that takes over your body and upends your spirit. It’s the agonizing space where sacred devotion meets the everyday ache of an empty stomach and a broken heart. In this piece, we dive straight into that double-minded twilight—where letting go feels like a physical wound, and waiting for healing is the ultimate act of endurance. Here is a raw dispatch from the garden gate.

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The Candle Light: Lording Over Nothing

You were the light,
I was the candle
That burned bright.

But you left me
When I needed you
The most—
In that garden,
The gate near the school.

Now, I loathe food.
It seems yucky—
Even ice cream doesn't taste good.
Everything's stuck.

Still, I chase your image,
God in Human form,
Lording over nothing—
Now so difficult to see.

I sought everywhere,
But your sweet face
Was nowhere to be seen.
I rested only with memories,
Wrestling all night
In double-mindedness.

Love told me to let you go
So you could come again—
But was it Love,
Or just my hurt?

My heart hurts
When I think of letting go.
You know, it really hurts
Deep in that right side
Where they pierced me
With the spear,
Until blood mixed
With lymph gushed out.

I meditated on Jesus' thoughts—
How he wished to come immediately,
Yet had no choice
But to wait for the Beloved
To be prepared
To receive him.

To be perfect and clean,
Simulating His perfection
In love, joy, and mercy.